I have far too much to do to be sitting at the computer writing. But the voices in my head(ok, one voice. mine. The one that I "think" I sound like.Not theone that I really sound like, like when you hear your voice recorded and you think,"is that how i really sound???"and then you don't talk for the rest of the day because you are sure your voice is irritating everyone around you even though they don't tell you so? And when you do talk you try to use your baritone voice? ...ya. that voice.) Any how, if you only knew how much I hold back you'd thank me. I seriously have soooooooooo much to say, about absolutely nothing at all. Dr. Van doesn't understand how my mind works. The other night he said that I make "quirkiness", "classy". I hope that's good.Hedoesn't see how I have so much to say. I told him I could write 2 pages on his hair if I wanted too. it just keeps coming to me. Kinda like my dirty laundry.

So I have one Xmas party down, (last night) and one more to go (Saturday night). SO by all

accounts I should not be sitting here! Plus my hair is airdrying into an oblivion. I look like

Shakira. No really.

I will continue this nonsense later.

Ok, its later. Much later. it's Sunday again. And I feel

like I've lost 10 lbs. Figuratively speaking of course, it is the Holidays afterall... Party #2 went down last night. I was so worried about it and I think it went really well. Dr. Van missed his calling in life and really should have been a party planner. He always has good ideas.

Dang him.

Ok, once again I am adding to this post. i feel like I finally have a minuet to sit and write without guilt. Well sort of, it's Christmas day and my house is literally D- STROYED. But more of that later. This is me trying to relax and let the good times roll without me singing the clean up song and patrolling the house every 10 mins to do a quick pick up. Breathe Randi, breathe.

SO our Staff party. Wow. We had so much fun. We had a really nice turn out and it all went down pretty smoothly. I had to resist the urge to cook for everyone so we had "12 BONES" cater for us.

Good move on our part. It was very tasty and as easy as sending Dr.Van to pick it up when it was ready. I always think I have more time then I really have when I'm hosting anything. SO of course I was running around putting the final touches on everything as everyone was arriving you know, little things like, toilet paper in the bathrooms and such. Dr. Van had to pull me aside a minuet to tell me to slow down that I was making people nervous. I had no idea I could have that affect on anyone? or is it "effect"? I never quite know when to use each word...Anyhow. I slooooowed down and once again tried to let the good times roll by without twitching nervously. The ribs were tasty, the corn pudding perfect, the jalapeno grits creamy and spicy. Our company was even better. Everyone was such a good sport when it came to our games. You never how those will go down. I wasn't sure who had a competitive nature and who to stay away from. As it turned out I ended up competing with the most competitive guy during the championship of "Connect Four".

We had a competition between the girls and the winner played the winner of the guys. I was in shock that it came down to me to represent the girls. You have to know that I am so not competitive. It's just not in my nature. So when I saw the last two guys battling it out best game out of three I was a bit nervous. They were so intense and serious. Clearly out to win. Each move well thought out according to what they thought their opponent might do next. You could cut the tension with a knife or some other sharp object. It took them like 30 mins maybe longer, to play 3 games. I was not eager for my turn to try to impress and challenge my opponent. At this point I wasn't really sure which guy it would be but I knew who I didn't want it to be. Only because I had heard from a few reliable sources that this certain guy did not like to lose. I secretly was rooting for the other guy to win. He didn't though. Darn. Now it was my turn. Oy. I wanted to keep it light and not so serious, this was going to be hard. He scared me. He had the look of a champion in his eyes.

I had the look of a deer in the head lights.

I was the hostess I was going to be gracious.

I didn't even want to play, Dr. Van signed me up for every competition though in hopes to win back all the prizes he bought..Nice strategy Dr. Van. But as we all know I'm not the Super athletic type. I'm not even the brainy type. I'm that rare type that doesn't have a type. So why did he sign me up? Clearly just to increase his odds of winning back the prizes. ( he said it was his Xmas party too and he had every intention of us competing for the prizes too) Fine. I'll play nice and play along..

I fully intended to lose the first game. Because I just didn't care, and I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't really put a lot of effort into it. I won. Shoot.

K next time I'll lose for sure. My worthy opponent kept his cool, we still had 2 games left if he won this next time. 2 more opportunities to annihilate me. I don't know what quite happened next but I won again. Shoot. I totally won I felt like I had cheated. He smiled. Lets go again he proposed. I told him that was fine that I would let him win this time. He didn't like that. He wanted me to try, I supposed he wanted to prove he could beat me just once.We had another go "just for fun". Was he just not paying attention? Was he just being nice because I was the bosses wife? His upper lip twitched a little when I hesitantly dropped the winning chip in to make four in a row and then apologized profusely. " I'm so sorry!! I really am, I don't even like to win". He smiled and shook my hand graciously. I was prepared for him to squeeze the life out of my hand causing me to fall to my knees in agony...but he didn't. I felt so bad I made him take a copy of the game home with him, but obviously not bad enough to give him the prize of dinner and a movie....Sorry "J", you were a good sport though.

We had a plasma car race in the basement.

3 laps around. 4 racers at a time. No touching the ground or you are disqualified. Winner takes home a plasma car. Dr. Van is out after the 1st lap. No problem we still had a second chance to win a car back. That is until Dr.Van gave me a push as I was rounding a corner that landed me right into the wall causing me to suffer from whiplash and a broken arm and the worst part, caused me to lose the race..Fat head. Next time help, don't help.

Next up ping pong.

We recently got this awesome table when all the family came into town for thanksgiving. Thats the first time I had ever played. SO why was I entered into this tournament? Once again, to increase the odds. Man I'm a good sport! So I compete against a randomly selected opponent. We battle it out until we reach 15 points I believe. I'm having fun, working up a little sweat burning a few calories, working off those ribs. I have a habit of lifting my back leg like I'm being kissed romantically, when I reach for a hard shot. It's quite feminine actually. Ok, it's more like I have a muscle spasm that I can't control. I told you I wasn't a jock. Anyhoo, I actually won this round which moved me up to the second round. Now this time I played against a jock. So I was eliminated. I'm sorry Dr.Van. I guess I'm more brains then bronze afterall...Well it was probably more luck actually That I won connect four. But winning is winning and I have movies tickets and a gift card to Macaroni grill to prove it. Your welcome Dr.Van. By the way Dr.Van didn't win anything....just sayin'..... You're a winner to me though.

We had a great time, with some great folks. A beautiful musical number was performed along with a few light hearted numbers that included Dr.Van and I as the subject of the songs...So fun. I really enjoyed seeing everyone with their spouses and friends. As I looked around this group of people it hit me just how down to earth they were. I love that they embrace their southern roots. One of the husbands of a gal who works for us, was wearing his hunting camo turtle neck and ball cap. It just made me smile. I love that. Just being who you are. The other Dr. came up to me and thanked me for" hosting the party and more importantly for being who you are a real breath of fresh air." That was sweet and surprising. I guess you just never know how your perceived sometimes. I'm nothing to brag about, I am for more impressed with everyone else around me, but it's nice to know when you're appreciated for who you are. I love these good people here. We are so blessed.

more later I have to eat more empty calories that I'm just going to have to burn off tomorrow...Remind me to tell you about skiing, 13 yrs, and Christmas...

I love that it's Christmas time. Really, really, love it. I secretly wanted to listen to Xmas music last month but I didn't want to burn my family out on it so soon. Now I listen to it every chance I get. I love that I can turn on the radio and there it is! I walk into the grocery store, and there it is. In the grocery store bathroom, there it is! Christmas is everywhere. And people are nicer for some reason. I'm nicer for some reason. I know hard to believe I can get nicer right? :) I just feel such joy and contentment with everything.

I awoke this cold NC morning to little flurries of snow!! I was so excited. It took everything in me to not run outside and lay in the grass and make a snow angel. Yes, I know it would not have been much of an angel beings that nothing was sticking. In fact it's been "snowing" all day and not sticking. Kinda bugs me. i feel like I'm being teased a bit. This west coaster is not used to much snow and I love that it snows just enough to enjoy it but not enough to make you hunker down in your house for weeks at a time. Is "hunker" a word?

Well, I used this snow as an excuse to make hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies with pecans. Mmmmm. I will share something with you. Warm homemade cookies are my weakness. Not my "one" weakness, I have many of those, but that is a big one. And I get almost as much joy watching my kids eat the yummy cookies as I do eating them.....Not. That was a total lie. That would be just pure torture to watch them and never have one myself. But I do have to be careful because I like the cookie dough just as much as them baked and sometimes there's not much dough to bake, ya know what I mean? I do admit though, it was very entertaining watching #4 eat his chocolaty cookie with such...glee. I did however want to lick his face afterwards, he wasted so much chocolate.

I left church early today. #4 has a bad green nose. He's had it for a couple weeks now and isn't' able to go to nursery. And since I didn't have to teach today like I thought I did, I left early so I wasn't roaming the halls chasing after #4 for 2 hours. I think my family secretly likes when I come home early because they know things will be cleaned up and a little something to eat will be ready on the table for hungry tummies. Today I made open faced toasted sandwiches. #1 requested this. He is a funny one. Very particular about his food at times. Not so much picky, more like he has a sophisticated palate. He knows what's good. He's like the Rat on Ratatouille. He doesn't want to eat garbage. (This of course excludes hot pockets, corn dogs and top o ramen) Anyhow, it was simple today but tasty. I buttered thick sliced french bread with garlic butter then topped some with turkey and various cheese and I usually serve with a variety of spreads. the other day it was turkey, butterkase german cheese and cherry spread. So good. I made a vegetarian one for myself today. It was more like a hot bruchettta. Tomatoes, artichoke hearts, red wine vinegar dressing and blue cheese. Toast and drizzle with a balsamic glaze..mmm On a few instead of blue cheese I used fresh marinated mozzarella. I think I ate one of each! It was so fresh and tasty.

Why didn't I take a pic and post it you may ask? Because I really want a camera that does my food justice. My pictures of food always look hokey. always. And I have a lot of pics of food. But I never post anything because the pictures stink.

I have asked for a camera and photo shop for Xmas but I'm not holding my breath, I know those are big things. So today I told Dr. Van that if he didn't want to get me my first choice, then I'd be happy with an electric blanket...I don't know if I really meant that though....I wonder if it's too late to take it back....One time,( and Dr. Van will probably say I should just "let it go") he got me a mop for xmas........................a mop. That he bought while I was working at the same store he bought it at...on Xmas eve..........?????..................................... that same year I got a frying pan for my birthday. It only took one year of him buying me presents to learn what was acceptable or not. Poor guy. He was so confused. It started with our first Xmas. We had just gotten married 5 days before. I had made him a "goody basket" you know, romantic stuff, coupons (which he still has because I forgot to put an expiration date on them...stupid of me I know.) Chocolate body paint, that I don't think we ever used...anyway you get the idea. So we are at his parents house just home from our honeymoon and he is so excited to give me my present....he is sitting at my feet on pins and needles. "This must be really good" I think. "maybe we should be alone when I open it" I wonder.... "I hope I don't get embarrassed, like at my bridal shower when I opened a box and it was a single big red bow...to wear on my honeymoon".....I slowly tear the carefully wrapped package.....My pitters are getting sweaty everyone is watching me. Dr. Van's eyes are dancing with excitement he can hardly contain himself. I know he wants to rip it out of my hands because I'm not going fast enough but he resists. I finally have the parcel opened and I'm staring at a Franklin Day Planner.."Oh, that's so nice" I say. Dr.Van takes it from me and starts flipping thru it with gusto. He's showing me how I too can be organized and productive like him. Oh how in sync with our schedules we will be. I can tell he is imagining us sitting down planning our weeks together and coordinating special events and work schedules. But then he looks disappointed, because I didn't react the way he had envisioned. You have to understand that the Vans are very....excitable people. And, they like practical gifts. The only time Dr. Van raises his voice is when he's excited about something, in a good way. I later realized just how much my reaction probably disappointed him when I saw a home video of his mom opening a present from Dr. Vans dad. She had wanted a certain porcelain doll I think, and when she opened it, you would have thought she was opening a box with a million dollar bills in it. "Oh my gosh!!!, It's beautiful, oh I just love it!!!!" and then she opened a sweater "Oh, it's gorgeous!!!!!! Oh it must have been so expensive, I love it!!!!!!!!!" even his sisters sitting nearby watching mom open her presents were just as excited as she was..Hand to their mouths anticipating the actual opening of the package..and then shrieking with joy along with their mother....It's quite a video, I may post it someday. IT's actually kinda exhausting to watch. Anyhow, it put my mundane reaction to shame. But I have since learned to show more emotion and Dr. Van has since learned to not give lame gifts. I didn't want practical. I wanted something I wouldn't normally get myself. I'm getting better at appreciating practical gifts...hence, the electric blanket. I would even take a new washer and dryer....

So, live and learn huh? I love Dr. Van and I have to say he's sooooo much better at gifts now. He puts a lot of thought into them and listens to me. He doesn't really shop Xmas Eve anymore. That always bugged me. I know the guy is busy, but really there was no other time to shop??? I know, let it go....

Moving on. Today I was hesitant to get dressed. Not that I was contemplating running around nakie all day, but I was in a "comfy clothes" mood. Yesterday I wore my "Jogging suit" so I couldn't wear that again, but i wasn't wanting to be in jammies just yet, so I carefully selected some leggings and a long fitted shirt. I do not love leggings. I have always been self conscience of tight fitting clothes, but I was feeling a little confident today so I wore the dang leggings. Who was I trying to impress. Now the thing is, they weren't just your run of a mill stretchy pants. They were "Jean Leggings". So 80's right??? I can't believe I bought them in the first place. But really I was trying to go for comfy and something to wear with my slouchy boots. And I knew Dr.Van was going to comment on them!! He came home from church and was changing and I laid on the bed talking to him and then he snuggled up to me. It took about 2 seconds to make fun of my pants. "What are you a rock star with these tight pants?" "No, their jean leggings, their supposed to look like jeans but... their not? Their stretchy see?" I lift my shirt to show him the waist band. Big mistake. "Are those maternity??" He has this exasperated look of disbelief on his face. Fat head. I knew I should have gone with the jammies. I later asked #2 about my pants. "Their cute, don't ask dad what does he know about fashion?" Ahhh from the mouths of babes....I knew I could count on her. And I knew I didn't like leggings. Awhile ago I tried talking my self into believing I was allergic to spandex, so I wouldn't even be tempted to go down that road. I now own several pairs of spandex pants that I often run in! Now everything is bouncing in my spandex. Oh well, shake what your mama gave you right?

I'd better get to bed or at least try to, the wind is howling outside and Dr.Van is talking on the phone in his loud phone voice like he's in a storm or something and the person on the other end can't hear him. The funny thing is, this is his normal voice. He's just loud, and excitable like I said. And I know without even going into the other room where he is, that he is talking with his hands and pacing the floor....I love that guy and his quirks. Even if he buys me frying pan gifts and makes fun of my 80's come back pants.

I'm in bed observing my surroundings. On my night stand I have a take out menu for Franks NY Deli staring me in the face. Thats never a good sign. I admit I went and got my free sandwich today. It was free. That made it taste even better. And they gave me the 12" sub, not the 6". That was awesome. I ate half for lunch...then finished off the other half for dinner when I remembered it was still in the fridge..I almost got giddy thinking about it, kinda like when Dr. Van calls during the day, just to say "Hi"- which is rare.

I'm also looking at the pile o' laundry I once again removed from my bed and placed in the arm chair. It was like De'ja Vu? Like I had already done this very thing so many times before. Weird. I admit, laundry has never been my strong point. Or I guess I should say the folding and putting away part of it. Rarely do we run out of underware probably because we each have like 20 pair just incase the laundry does get away from me. I just hate the daunting task of folding and putting away. I really am lazy about it. When really I should just treat it like a band aid. Rip it off fast and then it's done. Instead, I slowly torture myself by gently peeling it away and stopping half way thru because it hurts too much, so I save it for later, but still always think about it. I know I should fold them as I take them out of the dryer, but seriously 9 times out of 10, the top of my dryer is already occupied with misplaced items that nobody seems to know where they go so the maintain residence on top of my dryer until I get bugged enough to relocate them to their proper homes. And most of the time it ends up being the trash. My Aunt has a rule when it comes to folding, maybe this can help you if you also have a problem with folding laundry. Fold em' while their warm. Do Not let them get cold...Good Idea? Hope it helps you because it sure as heck did nothing for me, except cause me more anxiety.

I also have a cute table that I spray painted set up in here. I was "sewing" some burp cloths a few weeks ago and for some reason, have kept my machine out like I was an avid seamstress just waiting for my next sewing project. I don't sew. I try. I mostly fail at this. Straight-ish lines are pretty much the extent of my abilities. Though, my mother in law swears that if I had a good machine I would "love" sewing. But I swear that if had a real desire to sew for real, then I could probably grow to love it. But I'm not patient enough to learn the sewing "language". Like my 4th graders math homework, it may as well be written in spanish. Maybe I left the machine up to give the appearance of a real sewer...My mother in was just at my house....hmmm.

Well, I have other talents....like..................................................Lets not talk about that.

Anyhow, I am supossed to be snuggling up stairs taking turns with #1,2,&3. I snuggled for a bit but then felt guilty for not having taken a shower after running. SO I said I may return after I clean up. But I'm secretly hoping they can all fall asleep and then in the morning I will tell each of them I snuggled them while they were sleeping. You see, I'm so tired I'm afraid I may fall asleep in one of their beds and their beds are so not comfy...That being said, I should probably get them new beds. Now I have guilt. Darn. I should probably go up and acess the situation before I make any rash decisions about falling asleep in my extremly comfy bed. More guilt. Double darn.

Ok, I'm over it. We have two Christmas parties at our house coming up. Kinda stressed. One for the young women at church then one for our staff. I just want it to be nice, and I don't want anyone regretting it being at our house. My pitters are already getting sweaty. And I just showered. Shoot. I am having our staff party catered. I know, I know, Im such a cheater. But I really think it's for the best. I would be a major un-fun person this next week if I were cooking for 35 people that I was entertaining at my house. It's just too nice of an occasion to mess up and be grouchy over. My kids were helping me decorate today. #1 has become a master of snowflake making in a single afternoon. He was pumping snowflakes out like he was getting paid for it. It was amazing. And my windows look lovely. I've spent the afternoon making more tissue paper balls to hang and then hanging tree ornaments from the ceiling with fishing wire and straight pins. My right thumb is bruised. But my kitchen ceiling looks awesome! I may leave them up all year. Haven't decided yet.

Tomorrow I am busy. Lesson to prepare for church. More decorating, Cleaning because Dr. Van is coming home and I can't have him thinking we just played the whole time he was gone, A parade and some kind of Christmas festival in Brevard to go to, and yes, laundry to fold! And I promised my kids to watch a movie with them tomorrow night because I cancelled tonight on them on account of #3 having several "meltdowns" that left her hysterical and asking me to pray for her to "Have Jesus and Heavenly Father in her heart"......Still trying to figure that one out. She goes to a "Presbyterian Preschool" and she comes home with all sorts of new ideas. The other night she wanted to say the prayer and so we all bowed our heads and folded our arms and she started singing her prayer....It was .....different. But sincere. And a little ...."catchy" it was to the tune of "where is thumbkin?". Learn something new everyday. Especially from #3. She's the one that keeps insisting on asking me "how do the babies get out of your tummy?". Really? Ya, I'm not ready for this talk. I always dance around the answer. Last time, I told her to ask grandma when she comes to visit. But I'm thinking that would be more confusing I dont' use the "real names" of our "private parts" and I know it would all be text book with our nurse/grandma. The truth is, those names make me giggle and feel funny. I know, "grow up Randi!"...I can't. I refuse.

I'd better get to bed gotta get up and goin' in the morn'. Actually I'm secretly hoping that the Nyquil I slipped into everyone's cocoa tonight will allow me to sleep in until 10am. Cross your fingers for me.

My Dr. said I need to be able to turn off my brain at night to fall asleep. And that I need to do this without tylenol pm. I would be happy to do just that, if I knew where my "off " button was. Some of my best ideas come to me at night when I'm trying to shut down. Like when I decided to spray paint in the garage leaving hot pink stains on the garage floor of our rental. Or like the time when I chopped my hair off because I was unhappy with Dr. Van, and then I nailed a "For Sale By Owner" sign in the yard, that I ended up taking out a week later, and then debated on getting extensions in my hair to make it longer again, because I had made up with Dr. Van. Or like the time I decided to go to Culinary School and then half way through really wanted to quit because I wasn't getting an "A" in the math section, but continued anyway and was mad at my self for thinking I could actually go thru the program without doing a lick of math. Who needs math to make a demi glace at home anyway right?

My mind just goes and goes, as I'm sure most peoples' do. It's actually exhausting. I actually make notes to myself about things I want to write about, because I have so many ideas I forget them all. Now, I could never write "Fiction". That's where I draw a blank, and that's the only thing I'm good at drawing. I have no ideas for a fiction story whatsoever. The one I had was taken just before I got to write it down and was made into a series of movies I think it was something about a boy wizard...I can't really think of the name of it right now it's been awhile. Anyhow, my life is far too exciting to pass up writing about. As we speak I'm totally being a rebel. I am still in my "going out" clothes, not comfy jammies and it's 10:30 pm. I also am looking at a clean swept family room, but behind me the kitchen counter is a disaster. My bed has 2 loads of Laundry to be folded nestled right on top of my comforter where Dr. Van would be sleeping if he weren't out of town right now. And I just ate a bowl of Cinnamon toast crunch, with 2% milk. I'm out of control. I may be going for a second bowl just to prove I can live it up.

I have a feeling I am going to be sore tomorrow. I ran longer and harder then usual today. I think it's because I was in the middle of watching my 2nd episode of "Lost" for the day and it was too good to save for tomorrow. My legs will feel it though tomorrow when I go to get out of bed after resting all night. I hope I don't fall out of bed again....I don't want to talk about it.

So since moving to NC I've had a plethra (however you spell it) of embarassing moments. Some of them you may know about, if so just listen and pretend you haven't heard them before, it will make me feel less stupid. But that will have to wait until tomorrow. My Tylenol PM just kicked in and my limbs feel heavy and numb and everything is starting to go fuzzy and my eyelids feel like they are the heaviest part of my body and everything is starting to be extremely silly.. like the word "quiche" ......Of course it would be food related. but really, say it over and over and over and over again...it's a weird word. ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. More tomorrow, I'm sure. Darn these thoughts of mine. Maybe I could think up a good fiction story after all...I was thinking something along the lines of a mortal and a vampire and their forbidden love...Nah, it would never catch on..nevermind.