Why is it that they always put the fattiest nasty pieces of chicken in Lean Cuisine's and Smart Ones? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?? Aren't they supposed to be somewhat healthy? I was just wondering, because the little amount of protein they sprinkle into ChickenFettuccineAlfredo is still sitting in the microwavable dish it came in...All by itself...Just waiting...Do you want it? I'm not going to eat it..I don't think even #4 would eat it..and he eats anything. Excuse me I have to toss this before I toss my noodles up.

So I was recapping an embarrassing moment to one of the young women at church tonight and it made me die all over again...SO I thought I'd share. Why not? We're friends right?

I will change the names as I always do to protect the innocent....

Once Upon a Time.....(Please read in your best British accent, you may chose which region you want to imitate, I am partial to then "York" accent, it's in Northern England and this is the end of your geography lesson you may google for further info) As I was saying....

Our story takes place in the ever so touristy Orlando Florida...Seems like a lot happens to me there huh?...Maybe I should learn from that.

"Mandi" had set off on another adventure with her husbands dental team and flew off to sunny Florida for a dental convention, some C.E. courses and the most important part of the trip, "Universal Studios Florida!" Mandi had never been, which now seems quite surprising, given the fact that she grew up in California, where they of course had Universal Studios, and secondly, her father was a prop maker and general foreman and had often worked at "Universal Studios". How was it possible she had never been?? She instantly made a mental note to call her father as soon as she was back in town and question him of her deprived childhood.

But she couldn't be bothered with hauntings from her past at the moment, because she was headed to U.S. F. Though Mandi was hesitant to leave the kids for 5 days, the side effects from the Dramamine she took prior to boarding her plane, left her a little loopy and she soon had forgot she had even had kids..Oh ya, this was gonna be a fun trip..

.

The plan was simple. They had to spend a little time at the "Dental Convention" and

"Continuing Ed" courses to make the trip a legit dental ride off, and they supposed C.E. courses were somewhat important to stay abreast of the latest dental tech. Whatever. Mandi wasn't too interested in either. Although she had to admit, the last convention she went to, she walked away with a big bag of loot! Folks were lined up ready to hand out free merchandise to anyone that even looked remotely human, and that was us. Of course, Mandi did feel bad because at the time they were just "Dental Students" and didn't even have a practice to go back home too, so they didn't need, or more importantly couldn't buy anything even if they wanted to. But eventually services would be needed when they were out of school, so the guilt vanished faster then Dr.Ban's high-speed hand piece..

SO Mandi went along....She followed her Husband, Dr.Ban around like a little puppy dog. pretending to be interested in implant kits and inter oral cameras.. At times she felt like the dumb little housewife, because she rarely knew exactly what people were saying, it was like she was at an "Avatar" convention and everyone knew the Na'vi language...except her. All she could say to everyone was "I SEE YOU, ..but I don't understand you".oh well she didn't pack her travel size Na'vi language interpretation book it was too heavy, so she would simply have to nod and smile...

Her face and neck started to hurt, she sighed slow and deeply like Napoleon Dynamite. She chuckled thinking about his hair and moon boots..Now that she thought about it, she once sported almost that exact same look years ago...She stopped chuckling. "Oh how long can one talk about root canal files!" She thought. Dr. Ban had promised 2 hrs at the convention and then he would take her to" U.S" (universal studios)..She started counting her teeth with her tongue to kill time, but got confused when she got a different # each time she started over. This frustrated her and now she needed a mirror to get a closer look. Curse her undiagnosed OCD! She politely excused herself to the little Na'vi girls' room. Dr.Ban didn't skip a beat in his conversation about rotating hand pieces. She walked slow, she knew she wouldn't be missed. She walked right to the bathroom, she had a sixth sense when it came to finding restrooms, it had nothing to do with the fact that she had already visited the bathroom 5 times due to her defective post baby bladder. ( 4 babies to be exact) but who's counting..She picked up the pace when she felt a sneeze coming on. She made it. She hurriedly chose a stall, the last stall in the row, naturally and quickly locked herself in and quicker then quick, because she has a routine down, which involves no unzipping or buttoning, (yes, she is that good) she was sitting and saying a quick prayer of thanks for letting her make it to the toilet on time. As she reached for the obviously cheap one-ply toilet paper, that felt like you could wrap your xmas gifts in, she noticed a black cell phone sitting on top of the T.P dispenser. "hmmm. thats an odd place to leave your phone" she thought. Mandi was all finished in about 30 seconds, and knew what she had to do. She grabbed the phone and washed her hands with soap for 20 seconds, rinsed and dried under one of those crazy fast and powerful drying hand dryers (in retrospect she probably should of washed before handling the phone) she wondered how fast it would dry wet jeans but didn't have time to conduct an experiment then, it would have to wait for another time when she didn't have a mission to fulfill. Right now she had to find the owner of that phone. She was going to be a hero..Now "how to find the person" she thought of several ideas, she could A.) ask every person if they had lost their phone..nah take too long, plus her Na'vi was horrible, and she really wanted to get to U.S...Then there was B.) ask whomever is in charge, to make an announcement asking if anyone had lost a black cell phone and if so, could they identify it. How many black cell phones could there be in this place? nah....that's dumb. She didn't know who was in charge. or C.) Call back the last person she talked to and hope there was a way to track her down! She went with "C" for time reasons. She pushed the call button and felt nervous. She checked her breath, she instantly regretted the onions she had eaten earlier. "Oh, if only there was a toothbrush of some sort around!" she thought......

TO BE CONTINUED....for time reasons :) (i can hardly keep my eyes open any longer!)